


Better as a Memory

by cecemarty



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abortion, F/M, Falling In Love, Healing, Heavy Angst, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecemarty/pseuds/cecemarty
Summary: Charlie was desperate to save the woman he loved from her life. When he is finally given an opportunity to save Narcissa, he loses the woman as he knows her.Link for Safe Inside: https://youtu.be/2TtgkKZNTa8Link for What’s this: https://youtu.be/sEK5w2MWB1YVoted “Best Use of Songs Runner-Up” for Sing me a Rare: Mash-Ups 2020
Relationships: Charlie Weasley/Narcissa Malfoy
Comments: 34
Kudos: 33
Collections: Sing Me a Rare: The Mash-Ups





	Better as a Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare: Mash Ups. Much love to my amazing friend who served as both alpha and beta on this work and convinced me to keep it when I wanted to scrap it, LumosLyra.  
> Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this creation.

He didn't intend to fall in love with her.

She was an escape for reality as much for him as he was for her. Her husband, high up in the ranks of the Dark Lord, was a vile, inconsiderate, demanding, and overall unpleasant wizard. Just as one would suspect a death eater would be. She was the opposite -delicate, sweet, caring, and loving, and a doting mother.

The first time was an accident.

The second time was to confirm how amazing the sex was since they were so intoxicated the night before they barely remembered.

The third time stemmed from pure need and every other time after that Charlie knew that she had a hold on him, and not just his loins - but his heart.

He returned to Romania after that summer visiting England with a deep void in his heart. When he wrote to her to tell her that he wanted to see her again in October, when he returned to England, she agreed.

* * *

**_Will you write me to tell me you're alright?_ **

**_'Cause I worry about you the whole night_ **

In October, he realized he loved her. Instead of frantically rutting, he took his time and savored every curve and line in her perfectly aged body. She was eighteen years his senior, but that didn't matter. He made love to her that night and multiple times after that until he had to return to work in Romania again.

They promised to meet again at Christmas when Charlie came to visit his family. He planned to come out early and spend a few days with her before he was required to present himself at the Burrow. After seeing his family, he would spend a few more days with her before, yet again, he returned to work.

But shortly after his visit in October, things spiraled out of control at the manor. Her letters caused his chest to ache. Her vile excuse for a husband allowed the Dark Lord to move into their home and with that, Narcissa became a complimentary service for him whenever he felt the need, in addition to all of the foul things Lucius inflicted upon her regularly.

The length of time between replies to his letters increased; what was one per day was now once per week, if Charlie was lucky. On days when he didn’t hear from her, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep, fearing the worst until her next letter arrived with a peck on the window by the post-owl.

Each time, his heart would sink into his stomach as he unrolled the parchment

_My dearest Charlie,_

_I am sorry it is taking so long for me to write. It is becoming harder and harder to find time where I will be undisturbed. My sister Bellatrix has been following me around like a child and I suspect Lucius and the Dark Lord think I am up to something, though I am trying my best to remain discreet._

_It is a great thing that my mother taught me Occlumency from a young age, as I have felt the not so gentle probing of both my husband and Voldemort in my mind during our couplings. I have always used Occlumency with Lucius during intimacy, but Voldemort is ruthless. It takes all my strength to keep my mind protected._

_I don't know how much longer I can take the torture before I snap, Charlie. Or worse, let down my shields and show them everything behind those carefully constructed walls._

_I miss you, my love. I miss your tender touch that sets my soul on fire. I miss the sapphire blue of your eyes and the pillowy softness of your lips against mine._

_Despite all this, I fear that the end of our relationship has come. I cannot bear the punishment that would come upon you if Lucius found out about us. For your safety Charlie, I love you._

_All my heart,_

_Cissa_

Charlie’s blood boiled and anger flowed through him like water running through rapids. 

Then the reality of the last part of the letter hit him, she was breaking it off.

His breathing increased, becoming shallow and ineffective as his heart raced in his chest and caused a terrible pressure to settle in and take hold of his lungs. The tears were not far behind, searing his face as they coursed over his cheeks.

He quickly summoned a quill and a piece of parchment, before the panic attack fully set in.

**_Don't leave me this way_ **

**_I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside_ **

_Please don’t do this to me. I cannot live without knowing that you are safe. If you are scared for your life, please let me save you. Please Cissa. I need you._

_I'll help you._

_I can't sleep knowing what happens to you under your own roof. It’s vile and foul and I cannot abide it any longer._

_I'm coming sooner. I'll leave this weekend. We are getting you out. Five days my love, just wait five days._

_Forever and Always,_

_Charlie_

He gave the owl a treat as he tied the letter to the creature’s leg, hoping that she would be able to write back tonight. He needed to know if his words held any sway or if she would truly end their relationship. Given the opportunity, he would marry her in the space of a heartbeat and give her the life she deserved - one filled with happiness and love.

He dropped into his bed, tossing and turning for hours, unable to get his mind to rest as he thought about his witch back in England. When he heard scratching on the window, he immediately jumped up, breathing a sigh of relief when he realized it was the same post-owl from before.

_Not now, Charlie, they will kill you if they catch you. Give me time._

_I will write to you when it is safe. Please trust me. I can't lose you too. I already lost my son to this horrible man, I cannot bear the pain of watching you die at my hand._

_Thinking of you until then,_

_Cissa_

The letter did nothing to ease the near-permanent state of anxiety, but he knew he would save her the first opportunity that he could. He had to.

* * *

**_Will you write me to tell me you're alright?_ **

**_'Cause I worry about you_ **

It had been a month since he had heard from Narcissa. He was trying to give her space and the time to do what she needed to do to get out of there, but the anxiety over knowing how she was, was killing him. He was taking a dreamless draught nightly to combat the nightmares he was having of Narcissa being raped and beaten bloody.

He continued to write her letters every night, never sending them out of fear for her safety, but he needed to tell her how much he loved her and couldn't wait for her to be in his arms again. He placed them in a box stored under his bed, intending to give it to her once he whisked her safely away to Romania.

Another month passed.

Charlie’s bag sat packed for his visit home by the door. His chest was heavy knowing that on this visit he probably wouldn’t see Narcissa despite the hope that lingered in his chest. He was pulled from his reverie when he heard the tapping of an owl’s beak on the glass window.

He raced to the window to retrieve the letter, his heart pounding in his chest with anticipation.

_My dearest Charlie,_

_This has been the longest two months of my life. I miss you so much my heart aches for you. I am almost in a position to escape, but I need your help. I have been practicing the incantations for a carefully crafted obliviation spell on Bellatrix without her knowledge and managed to successfully remove some memories of our childhood. I think I can manage it, but I need your help to protect me while I cast._

_It hurts my heart knowing I will lose my son forever, but I cannot endure the torture any longer. I try to remind myself that he is not the man I raised, but rather the spitting image of his father, following closely in his footsteps. Meet me in our spot tomorrow night at 8 pm if you agree. We will have to make it in time for their nightly debriefing at 8:45 pm. It is the only time we will get all of them in the same place._

_If you are agreeable, I will see you tomorrow. I will only wait until 8:30 pm._

_I love you,_

_Narcissa_

The pounding in his chest continued.

She had a way out, but it was extremely dangerous. She was so bloody intelligent though. Obliviating the memory of her former husband would cause her marriage bond to reverse without divorce - something nearly impossible in the wizarding world - and they wouldn't have to live a life on the run.

* * *

**_Darling, I could never live without you_ **

**_I can't live, I can't live_ **

He apparated to the spot where they had met a hundred times before, a half-hour early, eager to see his love for an extra moment if she was able to spare the time. He was pleased to hear the crack of apparition a short five minutes later.

He melted in her arms, the warmth of her body against his again had been the only thing he wanted for Christmas. He grabbed her face and placed kisses over her cheeks before landing on her lips. The sparks between them immediately ignited a fire low in his belly.

He missed the way she whimpered against him when his tongue slid along hers, the way she clung to him like she was drowning and he was a flotation device, and how her curves fit perfectly against him.

He tried not to call attention to the bruises on her arms but his heart broke seeing the fingerprints on her arms, all the bruises in various stages of healing, and how skinny she had gotten.

"Gods, I missed you, love. So fucking much." He placed another sweet kiss against her lips before quickly looking around for a more secret spot, the one they were currently in not affording them adequate privacy.

He moved them to a secluded corridor, silently casting a notice-me-not and pushed her up against the wall. He needed her. If he were to get through this night with her, he needed to plunge inside her tight heat. But he wouldn't force her, he didn't want to risk hurting her after knowing she has spent the last two months locked away with her foul husband and his demonic leader.

He gently pressed his hips into hers, leaving no doubt as to the effect she had on him, his cock rapidly rising to attention.

She moaned, the plea tumbling from her lips, "Charlie, please. I need you."

"Cissa, we don't-"

She placed one finger over his lips, "I need you, Charlie."

He lifted her right leg to wrap around his hips, moving her knickers to the side. He kissed down the side of her neck while he gently traced her slit with his fingers, groaning when he found her drenched.

Narcissa hissed as he plunged his fingers into her, his thumb circling her clit. She whimpered as he played her just right, like a violinist drawing a bow across taut strings.

"So close – Charlie, please." She keened, her breath ghosting over his ear sending chills down his spine.

He increased the pressure on her clit, "Come for me, love, please come for me,” he begged.

He stifled her scream with his lips, swallowing every cry as the rough tone of his voice and his fingers pushed her over the edge.

With one hand, Charlie quickly undid the zipper on his muggle jeans and plunged his length into her pulsing heat, moaning in pleasure as he slid home, burying himself to the hilt and groaning against her shoulder

He rocked his hips as her walls pulsed and fluttered around him, fighting release after only a few short moments inside of her. "Fuck Cissa, I'm not going to last. It's been too long."

She smiled against his shoulder, nails digging into the flesh at his back, surely leaving marks in his skin as she did. "Come, Charlie. Let me feel you."

A primal growl tore from this throat as he pushed into her, releasing his seed and all of the worries he had been holding on to over the past two months with it. His arms tightened around him as hope coursed through him, the image of her beneath him flitting through his mind as her belly swelled with his child.

Charlie placed a gentle kiss on her temple after their clothing was righted and a cleaning charm was cast. His lips found the shell of her ear, whispering, "Gods I missed you."

* * *

They snuck into the Manor, quietly. Narcissa explained how she planned to erase their memories while they walked. It seemed feasible, but if they were caught, they would undoubtedly be killed.

They would walk into the room disillusioned, cast a silencing charm over themselves and Narcissa would obliviate them all carefully, replacing memories lost of her with memories she fabricated. Charlie would stand close behind, ensuring she was protected, and then they would leave.

He wore a glamour to conceal his more noticeable features and carried her essential belongings in a shrunken bag in his pocket. Whether or not their missing failed, he promised he would take her far away from there to a place where they could be safe.

He hoped it was a success.

Disillusioned, Charlie tried to slow the rapid beat of his heart but was unsuccessful as they entered the room.

The hairs on his body stood on end as he heard the half-snake half-human speak, only to be replaced with pure anger as he saw Lucius, his lips curved in pleasure, seated next to the Dark Lord.

The party was engaged in conversation, clearly unaware that he and Narcissa had even entered the room. Everything he ever wanted was mere moments away - so close, yet so far.

Narcissa was brilliant, managing to obliviate all the non-essential members of the clan without a flinch, leaving only the remaining four - her son, husband, sister, and the Dark Lord himself. She started with Bellatrix, eradicating the last of her memories with her sister, replacing them with ones she had carefully fabricated, where Bellatrix was the wife of Lucius and the mother to Draco.

Tears began to fall when she came up behind Draco and did the same for him, erasing all memories of herself from his mind.

Her tears stopped when she reached Voldemort. Breathing deeply, Narcissa cast the spell and everything seemed to be going exactly as planned.

She halted when she made it to Lucius, warily glancing at Charlie who nodded in encouragement. He forced a smile to his lips and mouthed, “ _the last one.”_ Tears welled in her eyes again as she began to cast the final _obliviate_ to remove herself from Lucius’ mind _._

But something went wrong. 

Narcissa was incanting the last spell when her focus wavered and she fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. Panic coursed through Charlie as he rushed to her side, ensuring their muffling charms were still intact before trying unsuccessfully to rouse her. Gathering her in his arms, Charlie fled from the room, his mind reeling as he tried to discern what exactly went wrong. Tears rushed to his eyes when the realization that he might lose the love of his life hit him.

As soon as they were past the wards, Charlie apparated through five different locations in rapid succession just in case anyone was following them. They touched down outside of the Dragon Reserve and he quickly rushed into his cabin, turned the water on in the shower to ice-cold, and attempting to rouse her.

She still had a pulse, but her respirations were weak and her body was limp. He wrapped her in a wool blanket, tucked her into his bed beneath the duvet and summoned the Dragon healer out of desperation.

**_Watched you changing in front of my eyes_ **

**_What can I say?_ **

After a thorough assessment, the Dragon Healer decided she should be checked by a Human Mind Healer. All his vital organ diagnostic spells were clear, with exception of a few broken ribs, a patch of her ribs moving the opposite direction as the rest as she inhaled and exhaled, and obvious dark bruising at her hips and around the inside of her thighs. He felt sick.

but she wasn't waking up. He gave him the name of a personal friend out of Hungary that would come see her at the reserve, and hopefully, he could help.

The gentleman walked through the floo before the Dragon Healer even left.

As Charlie explained the situation, his voice was shaky and riddled with emotion. The man walked around the bed several times, casting his own diagnostic spells. He was silent at first, as he took in everything Charlie was saying, analyzing and trying to piece together the puzzle that was her condition. After several moments, the Mind Healer requested that Charlie completely undress her, place her in undergarments and take her out of the blankets for a physical exam.

Narcissa was pregnant.

Charlie’s heart dropped as his mind spun, wondering who the child’s father was.

The Mind Healer began to speak, “It's possible that because she was with child when she cast the final obliviation spell, and she was so weak from years of malnourishment and torture, that when their bond severed, the fetus sucked all the reserves from her, causing her to faint within minutes.”

“The best course of action is to terminate the fetus, or else the magical depletion, combined with the needs of the fetus, will likely kill her.”

Charlie's mind reeled. They had never discussed this part of their relationship, but for him, it was a no brainer. Raising a child conceived through horrifying means was not something he was willing to do - not even with her. To Charlie, this child was not worth losing Narcissa, but he was unsure of what her feelings would be on the matter.

The Mind Healer mentioned that there were no physical supplements to be given in this case, the baby would continue draining her body of its magical core. In typical, healthy pregnancies, this wasn’t a concern because the mother was able to replenish her own magic, but in a pregnancy such as this, it was either terminate the fetus and she lives or allow the fetus to grow and she dies.

"Within hours", the Healer said.

"Terminate it."

* * *

It took two weeks-worth of blood replenishing potions, vitamin and nutrient supplements, and a slew of other medications before Narcissa awoke.

When she did, her eyes were glassy, almost unrecognizable. She seemed to remember Charlie, touching his face with such care and love.

The only problem was the rest of her memories were gone.

The mind healer mentioned that when she fainted, the spell could have backfired or the fetus could have had a burst of uncontrolled magic as they delivered it causing her to lose some of her memories. It would be months of mind rehabilitation to gain any ground in recovering her memories.

"The good thing, Charlie, is that though she doesn't remember much and probably deeply occluded without her knowledge, she remembers you. She doesn't flinch when you come around as she does when I do, and she smiles at you."

Charlie smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

"Perhaps after a few months of rehabilitation of her vital memories, she can be taught Occlumency again and learn to unlock the memories she has deeply occluded. Remember though, this might be a beneficial thing. She doesn't remember anything of what happened in her previous life. On the brighter side of this, this just might be the restart you both need."

Charlie nodded solemnly, "Thank you."

The Healer nodded and shook Charlie's hand, "I will floo call you next week to check her prognosis, but owl me if you need anything sooner."

* * *

****

**_What's this?_ **

**_I can't believe my eyes_ **

Narcissa was healing well but her mind seemed to have reverted to the age of a child. The mind healer seemed unconcerned, commenting that was expected after a huge trauma to the brain.

The next week, Charlie took Narcissa outside with him one day after a huge snow-storm to get some groceries from the market near the reserve, hoping the fresh air and social interaction would be a beneficial step to her healing.

She gasped as she stepped outside, "Charlie! What's this stuff falling from the air? Oh my! It's cold but soft at the same time!” She squealed as she threw a clump of snow into the air, only for it to come apart and fall all over her.

He was taken aback by her reaction to the snow, obviously underestimating how much she remembered. "It's snow Cissa, don't you remember?"

Her eyes lit up, reminiscent of when his younger siblings encountered snow during their first blizzard. "Snow? It's so much fun!" she squealed as she ran off towards the town. Charlie took off after her.

**_Everybody seems so happy_ **

**_Have I possibly gone daffy?_ **

**_What is this?_ **

**_What's this?_ **

**_There are children throwing snowballs_ **

She laughed at the children having a snowball fight in the town, marveled at the beauty of Christmas lights that should have been taken down long before, and dug her hand into a basket labeled "Chestnuts" in the market.

It was truly like being in the presence of a child. Only she wasn’t a child. She was a forty-two-year-old witch.

**_What's this?_ **

**_What's this?_ **

She asked questions about what people were doing and why, why this and why that. It reminded him of when Percy was four.

**_Oh, look_ **

**_What's this?_ **

**_They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss_ **

**_Why that looks so unique, inspired_ **

They stumbled upon a couple who were trapped by magical mistletoe and she asked what they were doing.

"They are kissing Cissa,” Charlie said, trying not to let his frustration show. He was doing his best to remain patient but every day without her memories returning was proving difficult. He hadn’t expected this level of memory loss when he’d spoken to the healer and coping with it, knowing _his_ Cissa was locked somewhere in the child-like woman’s mind, was breaking him. 

"Why are they doing that?"

Charlie sighed, as he had a thousand times that day, "Well you see, that green bunch of plants that is levitating in the sky? That's mistletoe, and it's enchanted so you can only leave it once you kiss the person you are stuck under it with."

She cocked her head to the side, staring at the couple, "So what they are doing is kissing?"

Charlie's voice cracked with emotion. "Yes Cissa, that's kissing."

She looked up at him playfully, "Do we kiss?"

Charlie smirked a bit, "We haven't in a while, but we used to."

She grinned up at him, "What about right now?"

Pinpricks crept up Charlie’s spine, "Well I guess we can... if you want me to."

She stepped closer to him, reminding him of the woman he fell in love with, "I want you to,” she said, her voice uncertain and shaky, but her grip on his shirt betrayed her uncertainty.

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing the length of his throat. He placed a crooked finger under her chin and lightly pressed his lips to hers. It felt like the first time all over again.

He felt his magic surge when their lips met and he pulled back from her in haste.

Narcissa covered her lips with her fingers, sounding nothing like the inquisitive child-like witch he’d been speaking with moments ago. "Did you feel that?"

Charlie nodded, unable to find the words to speak

**_The sights, the sounds_ **

**_They're everywhere and all around_ **

**_I've never felt this good before_ **

**_This empty place inside of me has been filling up_ **

**_I simply cannot get enough_ **

It had been three months since the incident, and Narcissa was recovering much faster than before. He spoke with the healer regarding her reaction to their shared kiss and he suggested Charlie try it again to see if there was any more to be gained from it.

For some reason, every time they kissed a little part of her returned. He first noticed it in her subtle actions, the way she brushed her hand against his while they were sitting together, or the way she rested her hand against her chin while reading.

It felt wrong to kiss her knowing she wasn't all there, but he couldn’t help the feeling of rightness when she melted under his touch. He made certain to never move beyond a chaste brush of their lips, no matter how much he desperately wanted to thread his fingers through her hair and draw intoxicating sounds from her throat.

The improvements in her mind increased rapidly after each lesson in Occlumency. The Legilimens who’d agreed to work with her specialized in neurotrauma and suggested Charlie save all of the memories of their times together. Charlie kept them tucked away in the same box he stored her letters, ready for them to explore together when she was ready.

To say he worried about her reaction when she watched the memories and read the letters would be an understatement. They had made such leaps and bounds with each other - cuddling by the fire, reading together in the study, and kisses shared throughout their waking hours. 

Even though they weren't back to where they were that night in December, he was okay with that. He got to spend every waking moment with her, watching her become the woman he’d known. It was exactly what he wanted.

**_The monsters are all missing_ **

**_And the nightmares can't be found_ **

**_And in their place there seems to be_ **

**_Good feeling all around_ **

The Legilimens working with Narcissa suggested that she had recovered enough to share the memories Charlie had stored for her. She had recovered well and was able to unlock many of her feelings towards Charlie, but was still unable to recall specific memories. The Legilimens thought that if she had concrete memories to anchor feelings and glimpses of her past life to, she might be able to break the occlumency shields she was unknowingly holding and be able to release some of the occluded memories.

He also suggested having the Mind Healer present when they finished going through them to talk through what she saw, to help her through the torment that would probably ensue.

When Charlie stored his memories, he made sure to include everything - good and bad. He hoped that she took everything as it had been meant - how well he protected her and saved her from a life of unhappiness and harm, though he knew her reaction could not be predicted

Even if he knew she might react in anger or fear, it was a chance he was willing to take. She needed to know the truth.

Charlie was shaking with anticipation as he paced across his quaint living room. He swallowed his emotion, knowing he had to do this for her. She sacrificed so much for him - her home, her son; and now it was his turn. He looked to the mind healer sitting at the table in the kitchen, hoping for reassurance. The mind healer gave Charlie an encouraging single nod. "Cissa love, remember how I told you that when you had made great progress, I would show you some of my memories to help you understand how important to me you are?"

She rushed to Charlie's side, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I’d like to see them, Charlie. I’m ready.” 

He nodded with a small smile, "I know love."

They shared a sweet kiss, something that over the past few weeks Charlie had grown to depend on for strength.

He cleared his throat, hoping to clear the anxiety he was feeling. "Shall we?"

Narcissa nodded.

They watched the first memory Charlie had selected, the one where he watched her from across the ballroom at a gala she was hosting. She smiled up at him sweetly, holding onto his arm for support and resting her head against his shoulder.

"Ready for the next one?"

They entered the memory of the first time they’d been intimate. Drunken, sloppy and passionate. He’d pinned her against the wall as her hands tangled in his hair. Narcissa blushed crimson while Charlie placed a kiss on the top of her head and they moved forward.

This memory didn't have any intimacy, but provided context for the harder memories she would be shown in a little while. The Narcissa in the memory was pacing the room back and forth, obviously concerned about their actions from the previous memory and how she was going to keep it from her husband - explaining her proficiency in Occlumency and how she had a son that was close in age to him. Looking down on the Narcissa pressed against his side, concern etched across her features, Charlie held her tighter.

"Do you want to take a break?"

She shook her head and they continued.

The next few memories covered a few of their more intimate interactions but eventually, they led to the start of the letters that they had been writing back and forth, expressing love for one another and making plans for the future. Narcissa seemed anxious, but relatively at ease, lessening her grip on Charlie's arm more after each memory until they just had their fingers interlocked.

"Let's take a break for a minute, get some water and eat," Charlie said, knowing the next memory included Narcissa discussing her trauma, and while he knew it paled in comparison to the experience of it, it would still be difficult for her.

As they sat down with tea and lunch, Charlie asked, "Do you have any questions, love?"

She shook her head, "I want to wait until I see everything."

"That's okay too,” he said, taking her hand and squeezing it, "The rest of these memories are hard to watch. Let me know if you need a break at all. They are hard for me too, but I think it's important you see them."

She nodded, "Thank you, Charlie, for being here through this. I appreciate it."

He smiled at her, "Anything for you."

When they finished eating, they resumed their navigation through Charlie's memories. When they made it to the letter that Narcissa had written him, saying Voldemort and Lucius were passing her back and forth and frequently probing her mind, she crumbled to the ground.

Charlie knelt, pulling her into his arms before whisking them out of the Pensieve. "Cissa! Are you okay?"

"I remember Charlie…" she was shaking, tears flowing down her face.

"What do you remember?" he asked, lifting her with ease and carrying her to the couch.

She looked at him shaking, with tears in her eyes. I remember them passing me back and forth. I didn't realize it was them, in my memory they are faceless, but I remember them hitting me and forcing me to suck their…” Her voice broke as another sob wracked body.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. It’s okay." Charlie looked to the Mind Healer, pleading for his help.

"Narcissa, what triggered you to remember these things? When did your memories start to come back to you?" the Healer asked.

"Well… whe…when we watched the memory from earlier about me being scared to hide this from my husband, I thought I felt a pressure release in my head and things started flooding back slowly, but no one had faces and there were only short glimpses." She cleared her throat, nervously wringing her hands together, looking to Charlie for his reaction.

He gripped her hand, squeezing it tight, "It's okay, you can tell us."

She hesitated. "As we watched your memories, the faces came back. But I still only remember fragments, not the whole thing. Why is this? Why don’t I remember everything?" Her anxiety bubbled to the surface in a shaky breath as the fragments of memories played across the forefront of her mind.

The Mind Healer sighed and looked at Charlie before turning back to Narcissa, "Narcissa, the truth of why you do not remember is in the next memory if you wish to watch it."

Charlie clutched Narcissa to his chest as she buried her face in his shirt and started to sob. He whispered soothing words against her hair and drew his arm along the curve of her spine. When her breathing returned to normal she exposed her face and shook her head, "I don't think I can handle anymore, right now"

Charlie’s charms tightened around her, "It’s okay, love. We know this is hard." He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, his hands soothingly massaging her arms and back.

The healer cleared his throat. “Would you rather me explain what happened to you? If you are feeling overwhelmed we can always try again at a later time, when you feel ready.”

Narcissa looked up at Charlie, trying to seek the answer. “What do you think, Cissa?”

Narcissa bit her bottom lip, pondering her choices. “Explain it to me.”

The healer stood from his seat at the table and walked closer to the couple, gesturing for them to sit on the couch together, before he sat in the chair across from them. “When I came to you, you were in what I can best describe as a magical coma. There were no physical issues with any of your vital organs, but I could see from our diagnostics that there were serious holes in your memory and a large void in the magical center of your brain.” He paused, looking to Charlie for approval to move forward with the next section of her diagnosis.

Charlie and nodded.

The Healer continued, “The only physical abnormality I could discover was in your womb.”

Narcissa gasped, the color draining from her face as her fingers wrapped around the fabric of Charlie’s shirt. “Pregnant?” she asked quietly, her voice shaking.

“How much do you remember about magical pregnancy Narcissa?” the Healer questioned, wringing his hands together trying to carefully word what he had to say next.

“Not much I suppose, I think Lucius and I only had Draco? I think I remember multiple miscarriages, though I cannot be certain.” She looked up at Charlie, eyebrows narrowed in question.

Charlie kissed her forehead, “I am not certain either. We never had a chance to discuss these matters.”

She nodded with pursed lips.

The Healer began again, “Well in magical pregnancy, the unborn child draws magic from both its parents in utero. The most taxing being the mother of course, but it draws on the father as well, whether the father realizes it or not.” His eyes searched her face for understanding before continuing

“The manner in which you extricated yourself from your former husband’s life, erased the magical signature of the father of the child you were carrying, immediately. Because the child requires two feeds of magic to develop its own magical core, it created an increased demand on your magic. Due to the state of fragility you were in when your care began, I assumed that your magic was already exhausted and that adding the child to the mix likely further increased the strain. The child appeared to be within a very important stage of development, between five and six-weeks gestation. During this period, the fetus requires the highest amount of magic for its growth and as a result depleted your magical stores, leaving you in a coma.”

Narcissa swallowed loudly, “So that was how I lost my memories?”

The Healer paused and nodded slightly, “In some women when magical signatures from the father vanish, we can assist them through magical ventilation and supplementary potions to nurse them through the remainder of the pregnancy, but only if they are completely healthy. Unfortunately, there is no other way to support a magically exhausted pregnant woman other than termination. Given your state of health at the time and the viability of the child, it was impossible to deliver early and it would have only taken at most two to three more hours before the child would have drained every ounce of magic you had, resulting in your death” 

As tears gathered in Narcissa’s eyes, Charlie pulled her against him, “So you terminated the child?” she asked, her voice was small and meek.

The Healer nodded, “It was for your safety.”

Narcissa took in a shaky breath. “And that’s how I lost my memories?”

“Yes. We believe when we terminated the pregnancy, the memories that were not occluded deep in your mind when you fainted were completely obliterated due to the strain the delivery had on your body. I kept you in a magical stasis for about two weeks with multiple blood replenishing potions and supplementary nutrition sources before you were able to wake up on your own. It has taken roughly three months of supplementary potions and Occlumency lessons to get you to this point in your healing. We believe you still have a little way to go but have seemingly made good progress as far as memory recollection goes.”

Narcissa sighed, and looked up at Charlie, “I want to see the last memory now. I think it's better if we get over all of this today, so I can move forward.”

“Are you sure, Cissa? This is the one that shows everything leading up to your incident.”

“I need this, Charlie. Please.”

He led her to the pensieve and they entered the memory, hand in hand. When it was over, they emerged from it locked in an embrace and sobbing Narcissa clutched the front of his shirt in her hands as her tears spilled from her eyes. “No more, please. I can’t watch it. It's too hard.”

Crooking a finger beneath her chin, Charlie tilted her head back and pressed his lips against hers in a soft, reverent kiss.“You never have to go back, my love. I will never let you get hurt the way they hurt you.”

She wiped the tears from his face with a swipe of her thumbs as her hands cradled his cheeks before she pulled him down for another kiss. “I know you won’t. I love you, Charlie.”

He smiled through the tears, his arms tightening around her. “Gods Narcissa, I have been waiting for months to hear you say that again. I love you too, more than I can even explain.”


End file.
